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Uncle Phil's Anecdotes

A Cynic's Philosophy

Culled from the wisdom of the ages, with some added observations of mine.

Starting with good old Murphy's Law (Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong)
with a few codicils by yours truly and others:

[a] General Murphology

What can't possibly go wrong, will go wrong first.
It is impossible to plan for an infinite set of variables
All other things being equal, they never are.
Variables won't. Absolutes aren't.
If you think you know the answer, you haven't understood the question
Everything is easier to get into than out of.
You'll only remember this when you're in and want out.

[b] Specific Murphology

You're never wearing the right glasses. If you are, you're doing the wrong
Recipe for safe driving - stop just before you hear the crash

[c] Finance

With money, any silly sod can buy things.
Prices rise so as to slightly outstrip disposable income
Everything will take longer and cost more than you thought it would. Even
having allowed for this.

[d] Sex

Sex, money and status are only important if you don't have them
Women, no matter how desirable, are made of chemistry, held together by
physics and ruled by emotions.
Women are a sex unto themselves
God must be a woman. No man could cock things up this badly
There's always one screw that won't come undone
Nobody admits to being a bad lover or a bad driver
I've never slept with an ugly woman. But I've woken up with a few.

[e] Life and death

Life is a fatal disease. Eventually it kills us.
Graveyards are full of the indispensable.
Life is what happens while you're making plans for the future

[f] Any Other Business

It is impossible to prove that the sun will rise tomorrow morning. But
that's the way to bet it.
Everything is connected to everything else
99% of everything is crap. The rest is unintelligible.
All entities and situations deteriorate
Every law enacted is a freedom lost.
Only the mediocre need to be right. Genius can afford mistakes.
I'm human, and you're human. That's enough humanity to bugger up the world
It's preferable to be young, rich, happy and healthy than to be old, poor,
miserable and sick
We are mostly what we are perceived to be
Everyone lies, but so what - nobody listens
Bad luck comes by the truckload; good, by the ounce.
What you want will bear no relation to what you need.
What you need will bear no relation to what you get
The only thing worse than wanting is getting.
You can't describe 'red' to a blind man
Both optimist and pessimist agree that things couldn't be better.
The wages of gin is breath.

Further Anecdotes

A Cynic's Philosophy
Scripture for His Purpose
All Greek to Me
Beef and Mustard
The Day the Music Died
Unconsidered Trifles
For Such is the Kingom of Heaven
Laid on with a Trowel
De minimis curat lex.


©Uncle Phil's Books 2004